The Weiss Kreuz Newlywed Game
by Beautiful Midnight
Summary: Nagi and Brad, Yohji and Schu, Ken and Farfie, or Aya and Omi - Which couple will win the trip to Disneyland? Read on to find out!


Author's Note: I apologize to those who haven't read the Bishounen Dating Game arc, and I apologize also because I tend to forget about in-character and just have fun with the characters. Hence, "snugglebuns." About the couplings - They may not be what you want, but I was amused by them. My preference is BradxSchu, for the record. I'd like to dedicate the entire story arc to my Mikey, who's my inspiration, and my best friend. I luff you. O.o; Corny, but what do you expect.. I do work at Hallmark, after all.  
  
-Mara  
  
::The lights go on, and a very bright, very 60's-era set is revealed, rotating flowers and everything. There's the sound of a scuffle backstage, and then a woman yells "I AM NOT WEARING THIS!", then she's shoved onstage. The offending outfit is a bright pink skirt and a halfway see-through blouse. She grumbles, snaps her fingers, and is transformed into her usual black skirt and white shirt. ::  
  
Mina: ^.^ Hah. Take -that-. Anyway, welcome one, welcome all, to Mina's Super-Psycho Weiss Kreuz Newlywed Game! :giggles: We have four couples waiting backstage, and I bet they're just itching to win our grand prize today - A trip to Disneyland! ^.^ Now then. The producers have asked me to tell anyone who gets motion sickness from our set, to just suck it up and stop bitching. Is everyone ready to meet our contestants?  
  
::Crickets chirp::  
  
Mina: o.o; :clears throat: Who's ready for some yaoi!?  
  
::Crowd cheers::  
  
Mina: ^-^ I'm a flippin' genius. Couple number one, come on out!  
  
::Brad Crawford walks out with Nagi, neither of whom seem altogether happy with the situation they've been placed in. They both sit down on the bright pink love seat.::  
  
Mina: Couple number one is Brad Crawford, and his wife, Nagi Naoe. ^_^ Now then, to avoid any problems with the law, you two can't talk about having sex.  
  
Crawford: But we don't have sex.  
  
Mina: ^.^ Atta boy.  
  
Nagi: . If you make us lose the trip to Disneyland, so help me, I'll make the friggin' house fall on you.  
  
Brad: -_- :sighs:  
  
Mina: And how long have you been together?  
  
Nagi: o.o Uh.. :looks at the cue cards: . we're just friends because I'm still very young? :blinks: . fucking censors.  
  
Mina: Well, you two make a very cute couple. ^.^ Speaking of couples, let's bring out our next one!  
  
:: Yohji and Schuldig walk out from backstage, Yohji puffing away on a cigarette, Schuldig's hair mussed up.::  
  
Yohji: Was it good for you?  
  
Schuldig: ^.^ :nods: That green room sure is a handy spot to.. :sees Brad glaring at him, shoves Yohji into a pillar: to kick your ass, kitten.  
  
Yohji: o.o; He mood-swings at the drop of a hat, but damn if he's not a tiger in the sack. :sits down:  
  
Mina: Couple number two is Yohji Kudou and his wife, Schuldig,.. : flips through the papers: Who doesn't seem to have a last name.  
  
Schuldig; ^.^ I'm like Cher.  
  
Mina: So that's a wig?  
  
Schuldig: . Touch my hair, and you die.  
  
Mina: . Right-o! ^.^ : tosses the cue cards away: Let's bring out couple number three!  
  
:: Long pause::  
  
Mina: .. Couple number three?  
  
::Schuldig suddenly shudders and faints::  
  
Mina: o.o What's up with -him-?  
  
Schuldig: :whimper: T..they.. They were.  
  
Mina: :looks at the cards: .oh. I see.  
  
::Ken walks out with a still-bleeding Farfie, who's purring throatily, a happy look in his ..er.. eye, sucking on his knife.::  
  
Mina: o.o; Let's welcome Ken Hidaka and his wife, Farfarello!  
  
Ken: :snuggles Farfie in the love seat: Hear that, snugglebuns? You're my wife. ^.^  
  
Farfie: :giggles and keeps sucking on his knife: o.x Wait. Does that mean we get to have more sex? o.x  
  
Ken: . Yes. Yes it does.  
  
Mina: -.- Save it for the commercial, boys. Bring out our last couple.  
  
::Aya walks out, carrying Omi on piggy-back::  
  
Yohji: o_o  
  
Ken: o_o;  
  
Omi: ^.^ Whee!  
  
Nagi: . How come you didn't carry -me- like that, Brad?  
  
Brad: -.- We're not a couple, Nagi.  
  
Nagi: :hmphs: Sure. Say that now. You were sure singing a different tune last night when I was -  
  
Censor: :dubs Nagi's voice: --knitting a blanket.  
  
Nagi: O.o The hell?  
  
Mina: Legal reasons. You're only fifteen, sugar.  
  
Merblemikey: Merblemerblemerble.  
  
Mina: Yes. That's exactly why I haven't ripped his clothes off and ridden him like a toy horse outside Wal-Mart. ^_^;;  
  
Nagi: o_o; :scooches closer to Brad:  
  
Mina: ^.^; Anyway. How are you, couple number four?  
  
Aya: ^_^ Just great.  
  
Omi: ^.^ Wonderful.  
  
Mina: o.o; :blinku: Wait. Isn't this an all-yaoi edition?  
  
Merblemikey: -.- Merble-meef.  
  
Omi: u.u I'm a boy.  
  
Mina: o.o;; ..Of course you are ^.^ Just making sure you all are paying attention ^_^;; On with the questions! : She pulls out a small stack of index cards and poses once more for the camera.: Question one, for the husbands.. If your wife was a breakfast food, what would she be? Brad, your answer.  
  
Brad: :holds up a sign that reads 'Cereal covered in freshly picked cherries':  
  
:: Silence from Audience ::  
  
Nagi: -_- : hides his face: Baka.  
  
Brad: o.o What? : looks at his sign again: Did I misspell something?  
  
Mina: . Nagi, your answer?  
  
Nagi: :holds up a sign that says 'Pancakes'.:  
  
Mina: Why pancakes?  
  
Nagi: ^.^ I'm good with syrup.  
  
Schuldig: AUGH!  
  
Nagi: ^.^ You got the image, didn't you?  
  
Schuldig: u.u :nods:  
  
Mina: -_- Well, that's no points for you, couple number one. You should've seen it coming.  
  
Schuldig: .. :shudders: That's the last thing I want to see.  
  
Mina: Onto our next couple. Yohji, what breakfast food would Schuldig be?  
  
Yohji: ^.^ That's easy. :Yohji pulls out a sign that reads 'A cream-filled Long John.'  
  
Schuldig: :giggles: Flatterer. : He holds up a sign that reads 'A Cream- filled Long John':  
  
Mina: You're not supposed to use your damn powers.  
  
Schuldig: ^.^ There's no rules that say I can't.  
  
Mina: ^.^ For every time you read your husband's mind, I smack you upside your head.  
  
Schuldig: o.o That's it?  
  
Mina: ^.^ ..with a cricket bat. ^-^  
  
Schuldig: I'll be good ^_^;;  
  
Mina: ^.^ I knew you would be. Couple three?  
  
Ken: ^_^ Fruit Loops.  
  
Farfie: :happily pulls out a sign that says 'Fruit Loops' and then has a little chibi Farfie doodle next to it: HAH! Take that, God! ^.x  
  
:: Lightning strikes down and kills a random cameraman::  
  
Ken: Farfie, honey, what have I told you about setting God on innocent people?  
  
Farfie: ^_x; I should do it as much as possible?  
  
Ken: You get less sex  
  
Farfie: u.x :Puppy eye:  
  
Ken: Oh.. I .. I can't resist those.. come here, my little snugglebunny.  
  
Mina: o_o; It's like a car wreck.. I.. I want to, but I can't turn away..Er.. quick. Couple number four?  
  
Aya: Omi would be eggs - sunny side up.  
  
Omi: *sighs, holds up a sign that says 'Cereal with Freshly Picked Cherries'.  
  
Brad: Damnit! I was so close!  
  
Aya: -_-  
  
Mina: -_- I need a drink. :sees the camera, perks up* ^.^ So, after one round, Couples one and Four have zero, and couples two and three have one as we move onto our next question.  
  
Nagi: I want to meet Snow White. If we lose, you're dressing up like Snow White. :eyes Brad:  
  
Brad: o_o;  
  
Mina: This is for the wives.. What movie did you and your husband last watch together?  
  
Nagi: Well, we watched -  
  
Censor: :dubs over Nagi's voice: Care Bears: The Movie.  
  
Nagi: O_O  
  
Omi: :sniggers:  
  
Nagi: u.u : mutters: Goddamned censor. :blinks: Hey! It let me swear! ^.^  
  
Censor: o.o Sorry. Coffee break.  
  
Brad: ..we watched Care Bears?  
  
Nagi: :scribbles down 'Lolita':  
  
Brad: Oh. ^_^; : holds up a sign with 'Lolita' on it.: We got a point ^_^;  
  
Mina: ^.^ Yes, you did! Couple two? :takes out her cricket bat:  
  
Schuldig: I don't even need my powers for this one.. Yohji-kun was feeling really romantic.. so he rented 'Black Cock Down'  
  
::Silence from Audience::  
  
Schuldig: o.o What?  
  
Yohji: :nods happily, pulls out a sign that says 'Black Cock Down': You remembered..  
  
Schuldig: Of course I did ^_^; It got me three hours worth of sex afterwards.  
  
Mina: ^.^; This show's full of useful information that I can use to blackmai--.er.. for my own personal enjoyment. How about you, Farfarello?  
  
Farfie: Well.. Ken always knows how to get me in the mood.. We rented 'Hannibal'. Boy, was I ready to cuddle after that.  
  
Audience: o_o  
  
Ken: : nods and holds up his sign: It was Hannibal.  
  
Farfie: ^.x Yay!  
  
Mina: o.o You seem awfully chipper today, Farfarello..  
  
Farfie: ^.x I'm on so many medications right now, the audience is purple.  
  
Mina: o.o; Moving on.. Omi?  
  
Omi: u.u I'm not a girl.  
  
Mina: -_- Fine. You're not a girl.  
  
Omi: u.u Thank you. Aya-kun rented 'Moulin Rouge' for me because he knows how much I like Ewan McGregor. It's really sweet how he cries at the end.  
  
Mina: Yeah.. Ewan McGregor really breaks down, doesn't he? :sniffle:  
  
Omi: o.o What? No. Aya. I have to bring him a whole box of tissue for that last little bit.  
  
Aya: -_-  
  
::The rest of the couples all snigger::  
  
Aya: :holds up a sign that says 'Moulin Rouge': Just move on and shut up before I stab you.  
  
Mina: o.o; Right. If your wife were an animal, what kind of animal would she be?  
  
Brad: :thinks for a bit: Bush baby.  
  
Audience: -_-  
  
Brad: What!?  
  
Nagi: -_- :holds up his sign:.I'd be an anaconda.  
  
Brad: ..You? An anaconda?? :starts snickering:  
  
Nagi: n.n If you don't stop, I'll drop the spotlight on your head.  
  
Brad: o_o; :shuts up:  
  
Nagi: n_n  
  
Mina: :takes a couple steps away from Brad and Nagi: Couple two?  
  
Yohji: :ponders: Well.. considering that they mate 50 times a day.. I'd have to say a lion.  
  
Schuldig: :nods happily and holds up a picture with a little lion on it. : I drew ^.^  
  
Yohji: That's so cute ^.^  
  
Mina: o.o; You just cut that from the Lion King movie poster.  
  
Schuldig: . I -drew-.  
  
Mina: Fine, fine, you drew.  
  
Schuldig: ^.^  
  
Mina: :sigh: Well, it can't get any worse. Couple three?  
  
Ken: Farfie would be an armadillo.  
  
Mina: :blink: What? Why?  
  
Ken: He gets hard like -that- :snaps fingers:  
  
Farfie: n.x It's true. : holds up a sign with 'Armadillo' on it:  
  
Mina: :looks up: ..Touché. Go ahead, Couple four.  
  
Aya: Omi would be the world's cutest Bombay kitten on catnip.  
  
Omi: Aww.. Aya-kun.. :nuzzles him and holds up a sign with a little kitten: I just said kitten.  
  
Mina: o.o Judges?  
  
Merblemikey: Merblemerble-meef-meef-narf!  
  
Mina: -_- :sighs: No, they won't go into a swimsuit competition to decide.  
  
Merblemikey: u.u Merble.  
  
Hope: T..t..this is all so cute. But really, Brad and Schu should be together, and ooh. Yohji should join them, and :babbles on and on until the Merblemikey hits her with a mallet: @.@  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^  
  
Mina: o.o; Okay then. We'll just give you the point.  
  
Aya: ^_^ I knew you would. :puts his katana away:  
  
Omi: ^.^ Yay!  
  
Mina: And we'll go into our commercial break while the paramedics check Hope for a concussion, and I go get a good, stiff -  
  
Merblemikey: :hopeful: Merb?  
  
Mina: No. A good, stiff -drink-.  
  
Merblemikey: u.u Meef.  
  
:Commercial:  
  
::Farfarello is standing behind a kitchen counter::  
  
Farfie: ^.x Hi there! I'm Farfarello - You may know me from my appearances on Weiß Kreuz, but today, I'm here to show you a great new product. :He puts on an apron and pulls a large knife out of a drawer: This is the Super Blade 2000! The perfect addition to any kitchen or BDSM relationship. :He slices through a large, frozen turkey easily: See? Like butta. It doesn't only work for food, though. It also works at hurting God. It's amazing!  
  
:: Audience claps ::  
  
Farfie: ^.x :cuts his arm: You see how easily it went through the skin and flesh? :calmly holds a cup to catch the blood: And that's not all! The Super Blade 2000 also cuts through concrete, sheet metal, and most types of bone ^_x And it's yours, for only three easy payments of $19.95, plus shipping and handling. Each Super Blade 2000 comes with my professional mark of quality. After all, I don't trust any other knife in the bedroom. Right, Ken-kun?  
  
Ken: ^_^ Right, Snugglebunny.  
  
Farfie: ^_x Call now!  
  
*  
  
Mina: .well, if I wasn't disturbed before, I certainly am now.  
  
Farfie: ^.x I'm so proud of it. Really.  
  
Schu: .So that's where you got all that extra money.  
  
Farfie: ^_x :nods:  
  
Aya: . In the bedroom?  
  
Ken: ^_^; How about the next question, Mina-chan?  
  
Mina: o.o Right-o. :pulls out her cue-cards: Now then. What's the strangest place you've ever boffed like cute little boy-bunnies? ^.^  
  
Nagi: ^.^ Well, Brad and I -  
  
Censor: Played patty-cake.  
  
Nagi: On his desk. :pauses, blinks: Alright. I've had enough of this. Listen here, you -  
  
Censor: Gosh darn..  
  
Nagi: :rapid cursing:  
  
Censor: --stupid-head..  
  
Nagi: :curses loudly:  
  
Censor: Oh, fuck it. :sound of footsteps departing:  
  
Nagi: ^_^ v  
  
Brad: o.o I'm so proud. ^_^; I think. :holds up a sign: We did it on my desk. And it was damn good!  
  
Schu: o.o Holy hell. Brad's a cradle-robber.  
  
:Everyone looks at Aya:  
  
Aya: Omi's seventeen. So there.  
  
Mina: o.o; Wow, good thing the censor left. How about you, couple two?  
  
Schu: :smirks: The question is, where -haven't- we done it.  
  
Brad: . You better have stayed off my damn desk.  
  
Schu: . Oh. We did.  
  
Brad: u.u; Now I have to clean it again..  
  
Schu: You just bought all that Swiffer crap. Might as well do some cleaning. Unless you just want Nagi to play with your Wet Jet. :yelps as a cue card flies across the room and hits him in the head.: ..Brat.  
  
Mina: Boys. Can we get going here?  
  
Schu: :dramatic sigh: If we must.  
  
Mina: We must.  
  
Schu: All right, all right.  
  
Yohji: o.o :holds up a sign: The bathtub.  
  
Schu: .. You're kidding. Didn't we do it there?  
  
Yohji: :shakes head:  
  
Schu: DAMNIT.. :sighs: Well, Go for it, Farf. Where'd you do your kitten?  
  
Farfie: ^_x :giggles: We did it on the altar in church. :beams at Ken: God -hurt- that day.  
  
Ken: :snuggles him: Yes he did, precious.  
  
Mina: o_o This is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. But.. it's still so cute. Anyway, Ken, what was your answer?  
  
Ken: On the altar at church. :holds up his sign with a little doodle of Ken's creative way of using a crucifix:  
  
Mina: :cocks her head: . now -that- is creative.  
  
Ken: ^.^ I try. Farfie appreciates it, too.  
  
Farfie: You're so sweet. :kiss:  
  
Schuldig: Gonna vomit.  
  
Yohji: Try and wait til the end of the show, honey. We might still go to Disneyland.  
  
Mina: Couple four?  
  
Omi: Oh! This one time, we fell off the bed and kept going!  
  
::Crickets chirp::  
  
Mina: . that's your answer? The floor?  
  
Omi: ^.^ :nodnodnod:  
  
Mina: ..wow. That's. um.. kind of boring o.o  
  
Schu: The floor? That was pretty much the first place we did it. .. well, that first night, it was pretty much everywhere. I think I still have keyboard marks on my ass.  
  
Brad: -_- Now I have to buy a new computer. For fuck's sake, Schu.  
  
Schu: That's what it was for, though. ^.^  
  
Omi: Aya-kun, what was your answer? ^.^;;  
  
Aya: o.o; :holds up his sign: The freezer in the flower shop.  
  
Omi: o_o; Oh! I remember now. I kept get frozen to everything, and then you stabbed yourself with a rose.  
  
Yohji: :snickers:  
  
Aya: u.u; Yeah. It wasn't my proudest moment.  
  
Mina: Well, let's move on, shall we, my cute little boy-bunnies? What TV show title do you think best describes your relationship with your wife?  
  
Brad: Hm. I'd have to say 'Temptation Island'.  
  
Nagi: Me too ^_^ :holds up his sign: Temptation Island. Good boy, Bradley. Maybe after the show, we can re-christen the desk again.  
  
Brad: Oh, thank god.  
  
Farfie: :clears throat:  
  
Brad: -_- Sorry, Farfarello.  
  
Farfie: :sniffles: It's all right. As long as I know someone cares.  
  
Ken: I care..  
  
Farfie: :shimmery eye: Oh.. Ken..  
  
Ken: :shimmery eyes: Farfie..  
  
::Rose petals blow across the stage::  
  
Aya: The memories u.u;; :bats them away:  
  
Mina: . oo-kay. Moving right along.. Yohji, what's your answer?  
  
Yohji: Survivor.. ^_^;  
  
Schu: . Survivor?!  
  
Yohji: ^^; Well, sometimes you kinda go beyond the limit, honey.  
  
Schu: :mutters: I'll show -you- the limit.  
  
Mina: o.o; What's -your- answer, Schu?  
  
Schu: 'Third Watch'.  
  
Mina: Third Watch? What does Paramedics and Firemen and Policemen have to do with your relationship? .Unless you use costumes, and then I've given myself a horrible mental image that I really don't want.  
  
Schu: .. We've never even thought about costumes! :eyes light up: I'd look really hot as a fireman.. No. I just thought the show was about someone watching two people having sex.  
  
Yohji: -_- Having Farfarello tape us once doesn't count.  
  
Schu: ^.^; Right. Once.  
  
Yohji: o_o;;  
  
Schu: ^.^;  
  
Mina: Right. Ken?  
  
Ken: :staring romantically at Farfie:  
  
Farfie: :sucking romantically on his knife:  
  
Mina: .. Ken?  
  
Schu: Oh. I can do it ^_^ :whaps Ken upside the head and then sits back down:  
  
Ken: Huh? Oh. ^_^; Sorry. What was the question?  
  
Mina: What TV show best describes your relationship with your wife?  
  
Ken: :promptly: Fear Factor.  
  
Mina: Not surprised.  
  
Farfie: ^.x :holds up a sign: Fear Factor. Except I'm a better cook.  
  
Mina: .. I really don't need to think about all that stuff that they eat. Let's just go to the last couple.  
  
Aya: Queer as Folk.  
  
::Everyone looks at them, shocked::  
  
Aya: What?! We have sex too, damnit.  
  
Brad: Always thought of them as the two lesbians.  
  
Nagi: :nods:  
  
Omi: u.u :holds up his sign: Queer as Folk.  
  
Schu: I'm surprised he lets you watch that. :smirks:  
  
Omi: . They're -your- DVD's.  
  
Schu: O.O W..w..what!?  
  
Yohji: -_- I lent them to Aya, Schuldig. Calm down.  
  
Schu: u.u I feel so violated.  
  
Mina: Well, it's come to the bonus round of the game! We'll send the husbands off to a special soundproof booth and the wives will answer a special question, worth five points. Right now, the standings are - Ken and Farfarello in the lead with five points, Then we have Brad and Nagi and Yohji and Schu with three points, and Aya and Omi in fourth with two points. Anything can happen now, so let's send off the husbands.  
  
::Brad, Yohji, Aya, and Ken trudge off to the booth::  
  
Mina: Here's the question. In 'Indecent Proposal', Robert Redford offers 1 million dollars to sleep with Woody Harrelson's wife, Demi Moore..  
  
Schu: Demi Moore's not worth a million.  
  
Omi: She's really not.  
  
Nagi: I'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars, though o.o  
  
Farfie: Maybe if he had nice knives.  
  
Mina: -_- Can we finish here?  
  
Schu: Geez. Someone's grouchy.  
  
Mina: :sigh: Would your husband let another man sleep with you for a million dollars?  
  
Nagi: Of course he would. I'm just a hot, young piece of ass to him. Great ass, mind you.. but..  
  
Mina: Modest?  
  
Nagi: With an ass this great, I don't need to be.  
  
Schu: :thinks: Only if he got to tape it.  
  
Farfie: :nods: I think Ken would want to join in, but I don't think he'd let me. He's very protective.  
  
Omi: Aya would definitely not do something like that.  
  
Schu: Sissy.  
  
Farfie: Wimp.  
  
Nagi: Pussy.  
  
Omi: -_-  
  
Mina: So those are the answers from the wives.. Let's bring out the husbands!  
  
:: Brad, Yohji, Ken, and Aya walk out and sit down::  
  
Mina: Here's the question, boys - Would you let another man sleep with your wife for a million dollars?  
  
Brad: No.  
  
Nagi: o.o No? What? Holding out for two million?  
  
Brad: No. I own your ass. No one else gets to have it.  
  
Nagi: :sniffles: Really?  
  
Brad: Sure. ^_^;  
  
Nagi: ^_^ Now I won't kill you for messing up the trip to Disneyland. Wanna go fuck in the green room?  
  
Brad: Yes I surely do. :carries Nagi off piggy-back:  
  
Nagi: ^.^ Whee!  
  
Mina: o.o Well. No points for them.  
  
Schu: Looks like Brad'll be doing plenty of scoring on his own. ^.^;  
  
Mina: -_- Thank you, Schuldig.  
  
Schuldig: ^.^ Anytime.  
  
Yohji: Well.. maybe if I got to tape it.  
  
Schuldig: ^.^ I knew it!  
  
Mina: So that puts you two in the lead. Ken?  
  
Ken: ..No. I'm very protective.  
  
Farfie: n.x I know you are.  
  
Aya: I wouldn't. Definitely not.  
  
Omi: ^.^ I knew you'd say that, Aya-sama.  
  
Mina: That brings us to the end of our show - Farfie and Ken are off to Disneyland! ..:softly: God have mercy on the poor mascots.  
  
Farfie: O.X We won! :bounces and steals the tickets: Let's go! I wanna meet Mickey Mouse!! :runs off:  
  
Ken: o.o; Thank you! ^.^ :bows and chases after Farfie:  
  
Aya: u.u I'm sorry, Omi.  
  
Omi: o.o;; Wanna go in the green room when they're done?  
  
Aya: . Okay ^_^  
  
Omi: ^_^  
  
Mina: .. :calmly tosses a tarp over Yohji and Schu and faces the camera: Well, that's another episode done and over with. Thanks for watching everyone, I'm going to get the drink. Have a great night! 


End file.
